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does this jacket make me look cool?

by Raeann Fetcho

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1.
i've begun to hate myself for the evil things i fantasize the things i wanna do and the words i wanna shout it's funny 'cause the thoughts of you are eating up my insides and it's funny 'cause i'd like to rip yours out half of me would really like to see you as Barrymore hanging lifeless from a tree i'll shut my mouth so i don't say the things you think i wouldn't mean see, look, i tricked the world- i made 'em think i'm squeaky clean clean, clean i don't think i understand the person i'm becoming the worlds i wanna go to and who i wanna meet there it's funny 'cause in all my dreams you always end up running and it's funny 'cause tomorrow you won't notice that i'm here i just want to see all of your sweet things turn to sour you as Janet Leigh, lying bloody in the shower please shut my mouth so i don't say the things i'm not sure if i mean did i trick the world? do they think i'm squeaky clean? i think they're on to me i think they're on to me oh god, they're on to me oh god, they're on to me
2.
scarjo 03:48
with all the buildings that i wreck i wanna be an architect and you would be my new design but i know you'll never be mine and i know it's a waste of time 'cause all the boys are in a line and i'm not even on your mind 'cause why would i be on your mind? i talk to you, i'm cut in half your nose crinkles up when you laugh do the boys ever tell you that? i'd really like to tell you that but does he actually care though? i'll believe he's special if you say so i don't get anything for free but i think you belong with me i hate the things that cannot be and the things you'll never know i'm a pore, a zit, a scar but i wanna be a movie star 'cause i could move away so far i wanna be so very far from all the thrown out valentines the things i feel that feel like crimes i'd just stand there and read my lines and pretend to feel emotions that aren't mine but that's already what i do the way i am- it isn't true a left foot, a right shoe a wanderer who got confused but with you, i actually care though but that's alright, he's special 'cause you said so i don't get anything for free and i wish you belonged with me i hate the things that cannot be and the things you'll never know
3.
i gaze into my looking glass and don't know what to say i let you tie me up in third place ribbons and save me for a rainy day my flesh collects a film of dust as i pray for changing weather 'cause somebody had my heart and all that i had was their sweater my eyes are tired from playing back the movies that i made about us inside my head and my body is tired from feeling all the garbage that everyone who asks i tell is dead but i still want to write you postcards filled with all my pointless news took up tai chi, got into poetry, and i got a tattoo i understand that people and plants grow and that you're now someone i don't know but i'm still mad that i'm not her 'cause i still want the one you were my eyes are tired from playing back the movies that i made about us inside my head and my body is tired from feeling all the garbage that everyone who asks i tell is dead my fingers are sore from playing the million songs that i wrote about you and my throat's getting sore from screaming out the window wishing that you'd sometimes scream about me too

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released December 23, 2018

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Raeann Fetcho Fairfield, Connecticut

"wow, you're still upset about that?"
-anyone who has ever listened to any song i've ever written ever

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