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self​-​pity

by Raeann Fetcho

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1.
goodwill 02:03
my problems are champagne, like the color of my dress was i hope no one hears the screaming over radio fuzz i'll just sit in my castle with my jewels and my furs does she know my angry poems are always about her? i used to close my eyes and see the grays and the blues now i only see red and things i'd like to undo it's her fault, yet she's loved, and i'm a social pariah i wonder if she even knows she set my castle on fire i cover my rage with honey drops and lace you don't lose the hate when you choose not to face it but i'm probably too uncool to live a life of sin i'd start a fight, but i don't think that i could win all i see's her face when i can't sleep at night for such a pretty thing, it's such a hideous sight i don't matter at all, i guess majority rules but i wish somebody cared that she stole all of my jewels i cover my rage with honey drops and lace you don't lose the hate when you choose not to face it but i'm probably too uncool to live a life of sin i'd start a fight, but i don't think that i could a fight, but i don't think that i could a fight, but i don't think that i could win
2.
solid advice 02:43
i thought i was good at pretending, but he didn't find me smart or funny in my head it's always raining, but he only liked me when it was sunny she said, "it's like when you change a lightbulb and it makes the room much brighter and you wonder how you ever lived like that" well that's a pretty idea, but i'm not much of a fighter i lost my gloves and let myself get devoured by the city rats he was a city rat i wrote a play and crashed a hearse into a wall why's this how i've got to learn he never loved me at all? she says i'll find the right one, i've just gotta wait my turn but i just wonder why i couldn't get the polaroid to burn i guess it's like when you break your arm and it starts to feel much better 'cause you broke your arm so many moons ago but then the pain comes back 'cause of labor or the weather and it comes in waves like the pain when i remember how he kissed me in the snow now i hate it when it snows i wrote a play and crashed a hearse into a wall why's this how i've got to learn he never loved me at all? she says i'll find the right one, i've just gotta wait my turn but i just wonder why i couldn't get the polaroid to burn i thought i was good at pretending, but he didn't find me smart or funny in my head it's always raining, but he only liked me when it was sunny
3.
apologies'll never come guess astrology doesn't work for some 'cause i read one time our signs were meant to be maybe i'm a fool to trust what the psychic said about love and lust and the messages in the leaves of my tea hey, rose quartz, you done me dirty your girl can't sleep and it's 2:35 so knock me out already or look alive i'm sorry that i love you, dear i burnt some sage- we're both still here i thought that was supposed to make the bad things die so why didn't they die? i'm tired of everything i'm feeling and the failed attempts a crystal healing here i am exactly as i was guess i learned not to believe my palm and all the lines i see 'cause what we used to be was left to rust hey, rose quartz, you done me dirty your girl can't sleep and it's 3:35 so knock me out already or look alive i'm sorry that i love you, dear i burnt some sage- we're both still here i thought that was supposed to make the bad things die so why didn't they die?
4.
dawson leery 03:20
i know i'm a waste of space and time but your straw broke my spine and i can't seem to find another i'm still waiting for a time when you don't cross my mind when i'm laying with my troubles on my lonesome i washed it out of the carpet and out of my old clothes i threw it out of the window to wherever the storm blows you said i ruined indie movies 'cause the girls in them remind you of me but i've got you beat- you ruined my world, darling want to see a picture? of the worries i pretend are dead trivialities left unsaid still seem to matter in my head i've got a headache i washed it out of the carpet and out of my old clothes threw it out of my window to wherever the storm blows shaved it off of my head now and it's out of my hometown in a midwestern city- will i see it around? threw it out of my window to wherever the storm blows

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released October 5, 2018

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Raeann Fetcho Fairfield, Connecticut

"wow, you're still upset about that?"
-anyone who has ever listened to any song i've ever written ever

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